“Wait, who are you?”
“I’m you.”
“Oh, like the ‘Yoo-hoo!’ kinda you? The one who stands on the cliffside wailing at me over my shoulder that you’re some kinda conscious concoction? A potion of truth for my soul? Reminding me about the ups and downs; the sound of petals in the breeze, blowing into a woodchipper?
“No. I’m you from the future.”
“Oh, like ‘Let me tell you about all the mistakes I’m making? How the future is fraught ‘cause of all the rotten ways I brought seams together? Well, it seems, or would appear, that I have little to fear from little ol’ you, or me… whatever, bro, because now that I know you’re here, I’ll turn my life around just to make you disappear.’”
“OK. That’s fair. That’s what I want, really.”
“So you’re pretending now, right? I’m onto you now, you know? You’re really here to commit murder; the goal is some sorta ruse to abuse my soul further. Pull me into the pigpen by my hair, then bury my head below the slop until I stop squealing and my protests halt, but I wonder: is that my, your, or our fault?”
“You don’t understand.”
“No. I understand perfectly what’s going on. The plot just keeps going and going, too. I saw you yesterday on my morning jog, spying on me. You ran by me and pretended not to know me, but I recognized that awkward military gait from anywhere—your, well, our arms swing like strange pendulums that lost track of which hand was the hour or minute hand, and as the clock keeps chirping and chiming at odd intervals.”
“You shouldn’t act so emotional.”
“Who are you calling emotional? I can’t believe you’d say that! This is how you chose to visit me from the future? Didn’t want to stick around and grab a drink at our favorite Irish pub? That’s disrespectful, even for you, or me? Gah! I can’t imagine what I’d do… I don’t think I’d try to stop anything from happening, but then again, you’re here, so that must mean that I’d ultimately do the same. Although, now that I know you’re here, I might just say, ‘fuck it,’ and hide out somewhere that you can’t access. Somewhere safe.”
“That’s petty… You h—”
“I know that I haven’t given you much opportunity to speak, so let me pause for a moment so you can clearly state whatever you have in your head. I promise that I’m not intentionally interrupting you.”
“Thank you. I’m just here to tell you—to remind you—that today’s trash day. That’s all.”
“…”
“That’s really it. Time travel isn’t expensive anymore, so I can afford to stop by more often.”
“Am I an asshole?”
“I think we are.”